Turned Fury.
I hate waking up like this-angsty. And the last thing i need right now is advice or reprimand.
Because I care too much.
Currently: Kara’s Flowers- The Fourth World
Somebody needs to cut of my ability to care because I’m obviously over-using that right and someday I know that I will regret it.
Last night, I was just talking to a friend and somehow I got melancholic- perhaps is the late night thinking that crumbled me. I began recalling about the horrid things that happened years ago, but how it had eventually shaped me to who i am today. I got hurt then because I cared too much, but even as I hold that fact in my heart, I still care too much.
It’s stupid because i mean, how can someone ever care too much for another person? It seems to suggest that there’s a limit to how much you should, and probably, can care for another person. What’s worst is the reason for the limit- because you know it may all come to naught, and it will hurt, bad, to know.
Sometimes I wished I could just not care, switch off my feelings. But I can’t, apart from the fact that I’m not a vampire, I can’t because it eats me from inside. The battles just get crazier and crazier within me.
If I didn’t care so much, I probably wouldn’t even writing this post.
Sigh, I should really just keep myself busy with other things.
It’s for the touch, for the touch. After all we are only human beings down here and we could do with a lot more praise and comfort than we actually get. Earthling reassurance - it’s in permanently short supply, don’t you think? Be honest, brother. Lady, now tell the truth. When was the last time a fellow-Earther let you rest your head on their heart, caressed your cheek, and said things designed to make you feel deeply okay? It doesn’t happen often enough, does it. We’d all like it to happen a lot more often than it does. Can’t we do a deal? Oh boy (I bet you’re thinking), that head-on-heart stuff, whew, could I use a little of that.
— Martin Amis | Money (via blogut)
(via quote-book)
Need
Currently: Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift on repeat
All I want to do now is to run into someone’s arms, welcome arms.
Someone who smells very good, someone taller than me, bigger than me-
Someone who’d let me
I need to feel the warm embrace; the familiarity of humanity
to wash away the troubles, the worries, the anxiousness.
No words, just closeness; just being held.
To know that I’ll be safe, and sound.
Nightmares
On Sad Sunday, when everybody went out, I was tired and decided to take a nap. It wasn’t an uphill task to fall asleep so I guess I really needed the shut-eye. But it isn’t one I was very thankful because I ended up falling into a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.
It’s painful because I struggle to open my eyes, but am mercilessly dragged back into the dream again.
I hate such dreams.
I can’t exactly remember what was in the dream, usually my dreams don’t make sense, especially the scarier it is, the more messy it becomes. It’s like all my greatest fears decide that it’s the best time to cripple me and come at once.
I just shut my eyes tonight and hope that I, for once, in a long time, can have a sweet, pleasant, sugar-coated dream or no dreams at all.
Just admit it. Admit it to me, Elena. I know you don’t owe it to me but I just need to hear you say it.
(Source: salvatorefalls, via theblankpage)
Forever reblog because awesome chemistry is awesome.
Can’t we do something like this for SPA?
(Source: ForGIFs.com, via happydeedoodah)
Sunday Sadness
Home alone now, it’s been a while since the house only had me, and me alone. I like the feeling of having a lot of space, yet dread the fact that I hear no footsteps.
Remember that the day before my lovely sister got married, she cried bucket of tears. All the rest of us could do was to laugh at her silliness- after all, she was just gonna be 2 train stops away, but yet at the same time, we understood her reluctance- she was the only one that has never left home for a long period of time, ever. My father turned and warned me to think twice about getting married to a foreign land. I laughed. Perhaps 1. Because I don’t really know who I am gonna marry in the first place (though my mom and I always joked that most probably a foreigner) and 2. Because I know given any chance, I would jump at the opportunity of getting away.
It’s not because I don’t love my family and it’s not that I wouldn’t miss them. I would, I really would. It’d be different, and I know if it really happens, I would, without a doubt have them on my mind every single day I’m apart from them, but I know myself well enough to know that if I ever had the chance to, I wouldn’t think twice. I would go for it. It’s like i’ve waited my whole life to.
Maybe, maybe it’ll change when i really go through it. But first I need to do it.
It’s been a very melancholic Sunday.
